Tuesday, October 17, 2006

FANTASY NFL: Recreating A Miracle - Cal-Stanford 1982

Let's set the scene for one of the biggest fantasy miracles in the history of Planet Earth. The score is Supreme Commander 143.65, Kenny Bloggins 135.80. SC is coming off a score and kicking off to KB, who is pulling out all the stops and looking for a Monday night miracle. With Chicago quarterback Rex Grossman facing my Arizona safety Adrian Wilson as a final gasp for victory, I don't like my chances. My team has heart and a trick up its sleeve, though, so we're not dead yet.

Back deep to receive is Wilson, who catches at the Kenny Bloggins 3 yard line. He fakes a reverse to the team's starting tailback Steven Jackson, jets down the side line and runs into trouble at his own 20. With no other options, Wilson pitches it back to tight end Marques Colston, who then passes it across the field for Eli Manning. His attempt to find Manning in space hits the turf, and there's a loose ball at the 35-yard line. Bodies are flying around, and Supreme Commander thinks the end is in sight when his star player, Grossman, recovers at midfield.

"What is he doing??" the frustrated fantasy owner remarks. "The game is over, take a knee!" But not on this day. Victory is not good enough for Grossman; he wants fame, riches and a late night booty call from the blond, whorish captain of the Cardinals cheer squad. He scrambles, flings it across the field in the direction of Travis Henry. Henry, exhausted after carrying the Titans to victory on Sunday, does not see the pass in time, and it's picked off (-2 points) by Wilson. Not one to limit his effort to just one kind of turnover, Grossman strips the ball and runs the option with Joey Galloway. His pitch attempt is fumbled by himself (-2 points), intercepted (-2 points) and fumbled by a teammate to his credit (-2 points), before he throws it into the stands (-2 points) while the referee isn't looking.

Seeing the ball chucked into the stands, the Fighting Supreme Commanders band comes onto the field. They march around and do all the flamboyant things that band dudes and chicks do until they see the play on the field coming their way. With a full head of steam, scorn in his eyes and a grudge against Grossman that dates back to a childhood fear of the Tyrannosaurus, Wilson finds a seam and heads for paydirt. The only things standing in his way are Grossman and an unknowing tuba player.

Wilson is not stopping and sacrificing his place in fantasy football lore for the sake of humanitarian or nonviolent beliefs. He stiffarms Grossman at the goal line and then inadvertently steamrolls Supreme Commander carrying his tuba and preparing to belt out the SC victory song. Pointing to Kenny Bloggins wearing his maroon #24 Cardinals jersey in the front row, Wilson tosses him the ball, winks and says, "This one's for you, Dad."

Long Story Short
Supreme Commander had Rex Grossman, who could have very well been the highest scoring player in fantasy football entering the week, against my defender Adrian Wilson with an 8 point lead. In my estimation, I had a 0.5% chance of winning. But thanks to four interceptions, two lost fumbles and negative fantasy points by Grossman, my team beat the odds and prevailed.

Neither of us were particularly impressive on the week, as we both ranked among the three lowest scoring teams. I suppose that was to be expected when both of us were so ravaged by injuries and bye weeks that we each had an empty roster spot.

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