FANTASY NFL: Entering the Playoffs with a Team of Hacks

By Dustin Hockensmith

Owning an undefeated record and pursuing a perfect season isn't what it's cracked up to be. Ask Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts or me and Gandhi's Good Guys what a late first loss can do to team morale. Only in that situation can a 12-1 team feel like it has failed, and only in that situation can a team lose all of its built-up momentum. Playoff failure is such an expected result that it requires a language of its own to describe.

Indianapolize – v. (to indianapolize) – to lose one's swagger and only look like a playoff team in the regular season standings; to follow the lead of a star who says "Aw shucks" under pressure; to fade; to crumble; to collapse; to get torched on defense; to have an inconsistent running game. My fantasy football team has been indianapolized by injuries and poor play.

Gandhi's Good Guys started the regular season 12-0 and finished 13-1, but are in bad shape at the wrong time of the year. The top three running backs on the depth chart – Ronnie Brown, Clinton Portis and Laurence Maroney – have gone down and given way to the Hack Unit of Sammy Morris, Ron Dayne and Cedric Benson. Quarterback Tom Brady is coming off the worst start of his career, and Santana Moss is playing more like his cousin Tito Santana.

This team has been covering up its weaknesses in large part because its manager was the only person in the draft who knew that kick return yards earned points. So, finding gems like Dante Hall, Bobby Wade, Chris Carr and Justin Miller have kept the team afloat. In a complete representation of how flawed the scoring system is, Carr, the second-best defender in our league (to Miller), has a total of 11 tackles this season.

Throw in free agent pickups Dayne, Morris, Vince Young, Vernon Davis and linebacker Bart Scott, and virtually the entire team is comprised of non-union scabs and replacement players. The way I see it, the pressure is now on everyone else to not get completely outmanaged and lose to a second-rate team. We'll see on Sunday when the league's regular season champion enters the fantasy playoffs with something to prove.

FANTASY: Blue Chips vs. Day Trades

Potential Fantasy NBA Blue Chips

While SF/PF Andrea Bargnani, SF/PF/C LaMarcus Aldridge and SF/PF Shelden Williams have yet to justify their NBA draft selections, all three appear poised to do so. As is the case with all rookies, you need to exercise a little patience, both from a consistency and playing time perspective, but these are all guys who can help you in the short to medium term.

Bargnani is scoring points (averaging 12.3 ppg in his last six) and showing some nice potential in the hustle categories, but is rebounding like his effeminate first name suggests he would. Aldridge was just starting to play a more prominent role in Portland, but took an elbow to the chops on November 26 and has played just 12 minutes in the last two games. Williams is beginning to put it together, but remains a little weak in the points and rebounds departments.


Historically Awesome Fantasy NHL Blue Chips

After the NHL lockout, many young stars emerged. The trend in fantasy hockey is to take youth, which means there is tremendous veteran value on the waiver wire.

Pittsburgh's LW Evgeni Malkin and C Sidney Crosby have been the talk of the hockey world, but why not pick up RW Mark Recchi? With 490 career goals, he's the perfect veteran to play on their line. ... C Brad Richards and LW Gary Roberts similarly had great months and may be worth a look.


Day Trading to Fantasy NFL Glory

In my fantasy football league, there is literally nothing available on the waiver wire. You're likely screwed if you need waiver help now. But everyone thinks they can strike it rich in a week. A good place to look for quality depth this point in the season is WR.

Marty Booker was once was nasty and since Joey Harrington took over, Booker is 17 yards behind Wes Welker for the team lead in receiving yards. ... In my league, Kenny Bloggins just picked up Santonio Holmes, a strong short-term buy. Hines Ward could miss two weeks and Holmes is a pedigree wide out with a bright future, one Kenny hopes begins Sunday. ... Tom Brady consistently spread the ball this season. Maybe, just maybe, Reche Caldwell will replicate his 9 reception, 90 yards and 1 TD Week 10 performance? Against a soft Detroit defense this week, I'd say the chances are better than average.

FANTASY NFL: Keeper Quandary

By Steve "Supreme Commander" Cernak

Gabe dropped one hell of a fantasy football question on MySpace:

Hey who would you drop if you had to drop one? Deshaun Foster, Maurice Jones-Drew, Brandon Jacobs. I'm leaning towards keeping BJ because i'm in a keeper league. I'm also thinking of trading my Shaun Alexander. I can only have 4 RB's max in my league, and don't know who to let go of. Should I let go of Foster or MoJo? I'm afraid that Williams will start to play a bigger role, as Deshaun hasn't produced like i’d have thought he would. Not to mention the poor O-line play of the Panthers. I'm also afraid of Fred Taylor getting hurt and then MoJo will be the stud.

Keeper fantasy adds complexity in how a manager plays the season. Production is typically all that matters. In keeper, you try to win both immediately and over the long haul.

Let's start by looking at my current 2006 rankings:

1. Shaun Alexander
2. Maurice Jones-Drew
3. DeShaun Foster
4. Brandon Jacobs

Alexander is injured now but who is the first RB you'd start in the playoffs?

Jones-Drew put serious production up this season for a back-up. Taylor complained about not getting enough carries for his incentive laden contract. Taylor knows Jones-Drew is legit and actually is pondering retirement because it apparently takes a lot of money to want to constantly rehab injuries.

Foster is an injury risk, but at least he is a starter. Brandon Jacobs has "fantasy stud" written all over him, but the future NFL Hall Of Fame RB Tiki Barber is the Giants starter.

Fast forward to my 2007 projections:

1. Shaun Alexander
2. Brandon Jacobs
3. Maurice Jones-Drew
4. DeShaun Foster

Alexander is a proven TD machine. Jacobs may eventually become better than Alexander, because he has feature back speed and is a goal line power. Maybe this is just the giants fan in me, but I see him as an athletic Jerome Bettis (meaning he isn’t a fatty). DeAngelo Williams will be better and start over Foster soon.

To answer the question: hold onto Alexander, Jacobs and Jones-Drew. That will be the nastiest platoon in your keeper league next year.

As for Foster, you have two options. Either (1) hold onto him to cover for Alexander or (2) trade him now for an older productive player. Let’s say you need a QB and the guy who has Brett Favre needs a RB. Favre will likely retire, so why not maximize production from a guy who will likely retire after this year for a player you were planning to cut? Foster could get you a productive older player and I'd do that if a decent RB is on the waiver wire.

EDIT: originally I had Amani Toomer listed as a possible replacement, but news just broke that he may have torn his ACL. DEFINITELY DO NOT PICK AMANI TOOMER UP.

FANTASY NFL: Recreating A Miracle - Cal-Stanford 1982

Let's set the scene for one of the biggest fantasy miracles in the history of Planet Earth. The score is Supreme Commander 143.65, Kenny Bloggins 135.80. SC is coming off a score and kicking off to KB, who is pulling out all the stops and looking for a Monday night miracle. With Chicago quarterback Rex Grossman facing my Arizona safety Adrian Wilson as a final gasp for victory, I don't like my chances. My team has heart and a trick up its sleeve, though, so we're not dead yet.

Back deep to receive is Wilson, who catches at the Kenny Bloggins 3 yard line. He fakes a reverse to the team's starting tailback Steven Jackson, jets down the side line and runs into trouble at his own 20. With no other options, Wilson pitches it back to tight end Marques Colston, who then passes it across the field for Eli Manning. His attempt to find Manning in space hits the turf, and there's a loose ball at the 35-yard line. Bodies are flying around, and Supreme Commander thinks the end is in sight when his star player, Grossman, recovers at midfield.

"What is he doing??" the frustrated fantasy owner remarks. "The game is over, take a knee!" But not on this day. Victory is not good enough for Grossman; he wants fame, riches and a late night booty call from the blond, whorish captain of the Cardinals cheer squad. He scrambles, flings it across the field in the direction of Travis Henry. Henry, exhausted after carrying the Titans to victory on Sunday, does not see the pass in time, and it's picked off (-2 points) by Wilson. Not one to limit his effort to just one kind of turnover, Grossman strips the ball and runs the option with Joey Galloway. His pitch attempt is fumbled by himself (-2 points), intercepted (-2 points) and fumbled by a teammate to his credit (-2 points), before he throws it into the stands (-2 points) while the referee isn't looking.

Seeing the ball chucked into the stands, the Fighting Supreme Commanders band comes onto the field. They march around and do all the flamboyant things that band dudes and chicks do until they see the play on the field coming their way. With a full head of steam, scorn in his eyes and a grudge against Grossman that dates back to a childhood fear of the Tyrannosaurus, Wilson finds a seam and heads for paydirt. The only things standing in his way are Grossman and an unknowing tuba player.

Wilson is not stopping and sacrificing his place in fantasy football lore for the sake of humanitarian or nonviolent beliefs. He stiffarms Grossman at the goal line and then inadvertently steamrolls Supreme Commander carrying his tuba and preparing to belt out the SC victory song. Pointing to Kenny Bloggins wearing his maroon #24 Cardinals jersey in the front row, Wilson tosses him the ball, winks and says, "This one's for you, Dad."

Long Story Short
Supreme Commander had Rex Grossman, who could have very well been the highest scoring player in fantasy football entering the week, against my defender Adrian Wilson with an 8 point lead. In my estimation, I had a 0.5% chance of winning. But thanks to four interceptions, two lost fumbles and negative fantasy points by Grossman, my team beat the odds and prevailed.

Neither of us were particularly impressive on the week, as we both ranked among the three lowest scoring teams. I suppose that was to be expected when both of us were so ravaged by injuries and bye weeks that we each had an empty roster spot.