SPORTS: Great Weekend Ahead... NOT!

NFL
Eli Manning will derail New York's season versus Carolina, while his brother Peyton Manning will beat Jacksonville setting up spectacular playoff failure (again).

Houston's DE Mario Williams will have a monster game and silences his critics who said RB Reggie Bush should have been drafted #1 overall, especially off his 4 TD performance. QB Vince Young will break his arm, his shoulder tears completely off his body and his spleen spontaneously combusts... obvious punishment from Shiva the Destroyer for Dustin's article.

Denver QB Jay Cutler will play like a rookie against Philip Rivers and San Diego, forcing Denver's running game to step up. I don't care how they're statistically ranked, that rushing offense is what the Spanish call el horrible.

NBA
Allen Iverson reportedly asked to be traded. Might not happen this weekend or ever, but keep an eye out. This article came from Peter Vecsey, who made a career of pulling things from his butt.

My preseason pick to be Eastern Conference Champions will be labeled "surprise of the season" by the morons running ESPN after Orlando's Dwight Howard punishes Detroit down low. How's Darko Milicic (and Carlos Arroyo) looking now?

MLB
Kansas City team officials will announce they're sorry for not holding onto Carlos Beltran, Johnny Damon or Jermaine Dye in years past, but more than made up for it by signing Gil Meche to a five year $55 million contract.

NASCAR
I don't even have a joke. Well, not one that's better than the Meche joke.

WHAT I'LL BE WATCHING THIS WEEKEND
NCAA Men's Hoops:
No. 1 UCLA vs. No. 6. Texas A&M, 2:30 EST Saturday on CBS.